Find me
by sophhhhaaa
Summary: Later he will justify his actions by telling himself that he didn't know what he was doing, though he knows that that's a lie. He knows exactly what he's doing; from the moment he decided to get into his car in the first place, till the point that he lets him climb into the passenger seat.


Later he will justify his actions by telling himself that he didn't know what he was doing, though he knows that that's a lie. He knows exactly what he's doing; from the moment he decided to get into his car in the first place, till the point that he lets him climb into the passenger seat.

The glare of the neon lights reflects off his pale skin, making it look grey and yellow, almost alien. To him, he is still the most beautiful creature he has ever seen.

"I'm not going to kiss you," he says, and smiles, more to himself than to Thor. Were this any other situation Thor would have laughed at the awkwardness of it all, but this is not the time, and he doesn't. He pulls out of the parking space on this forbidden road, stares straight ahead, and drives until they eventually arrive back at Thor's flat.

"Where are we?" the boy asks, his thin arms crossed over his chest and his dark hair falling across his face.

"My place, is that okay?" he asks tentatively, playing with his keys. The boy nods, smiling quickly, "Good," he continues, his hands shaking. He gets out of the car and slams the door shut, hardly bearing to look at the boy because he really wants to kiss that pretty little mouth.

* * *

He can't do it. He decides this remarkably late because by now the boy is starting to undress him with impressive determination.

"Stop, please."

He stops, and looks up at him. Thor shakes his head; he definitely cannot do this, not now.

"Just...stop, sit down."

He obliges and carefully positions himself on the edge of the sofa. Thor fastens his belt and quickly runs his fingers through his hair.

"I'm sorry," he says, "This was such a bad idea." The boy looks at him, eyes huge and round, and for a moment Thor doesn't know what to do with himself.

"Did I do anything wrong?"

Thor shakes his head frantically, "No, no. Seriously no, I'm sorry."

"Then why did you want to stop?"

Thor stares at him, he can't resist.

"Because you're lovely," he eventually says, and isn't really sure why, "and I like you."

The boy raises an eyebrow. "And that's a problem? Why should it be?" He almost whispers the last sentence, saying it more as an afterthought than a direct comment.

Thor nods. "Can I make you some tea? Anything?"

The boy studies him for a moment, before saying hesitantly, "Can I sleep on your sofa for a night or two?"

Thor tells him that 'yes of course' he can stay, because he still feels bad about messing him around. While he's walking to the kitchen to make the tea he realises that he still doesn't know

his name.

* * *

He wakes up later because something sounds like it's crying, and this time it isn't his neighbour's cat yowling at the window. It is coming from inside the flat. Thor stares at the numbers on his alarm clock for a while before they start making sense, and then he remembers that there is someone in his living room.

The boy is curled up in the centre of the sofa, almost completely folded in on himself, hidden behind the cushions. He is sobbing, his breath coming out in long ragged gasps. It is not until Thor is standing right in front of him that he realises he is still asleep. Lowering himself to his knees he slowly, carefully, touches his shoulder.

"Hey." The boy jolts awake and falls off the sofa in a flail of limbs.

"Sorry!" Thor continues, not wanting to touch him again. "You alright?"

He blinks up at him from the floor, eyes wide and bright, and nods.

"What's going on?" he asks, whilst trying to wipe the tears from his eyes without Thor noticing.

"You...never mind. I just, well it gets cold here at night. Come with me." He says the first thing he can think of, something to distract him from the uncertainty between them, or at least he thinks he does. But when he starts leading the boy into his bedroom, where the heating is working, he starts to question his own motives.

"I'll stay on my half, don't worry," he says as he crawls under the sheets, saving Thor more discomfort. Except, he doesn't think he really wants him to.

And he doesn't. Within a matter of minutes the boy has abandoned his side of the bed and is curled against Thor, his icy hands snaked under his shirt. Thor tries to relax. As long as he doesn't cry again it will be fine, he tells himself. Tentatively he puts his arm round his shoulders and feels his spine under skin. Sleep seemed a very unlikely prospect, as he stared at the boy sleeping peacefully, using him to protect him from the outside world.

* * *

The next morning he makes breakfast and an effort.

"Is that a guitar?" he asks. Thor turns around, though he knows all too well what he is looking at.

"Yeah, do you play guitar?"

The boy smiles through a mouthful of toast, "No, I play bass though."

Tom absentmindedly arranges crumbs along the edge of the table. The boy swallows and grins.

"Can I take a shower?"

Thor gestures towards the bathroom. "It's all yours. Towels are under the sink."

He waits until he's gone, then starts clearing the table, stacking plates then getting them out again, carrying the cutlery one by one to the sink just to keep himself occupied while he can still hear the shower running, trying not to think about anything.

The door opens and the boy emerges from bathroom, wearing not nearly enough. Thor quickly averts his eyes and waits for the moment to pass. Except it doesn't, and he stays. He sidles up to him and presses him from behind, hot and damp from the shower, skin clinging to Thor's clothes.

"You're so nice," he mutters close to his ear. A hand makes its way to his belt buckle. "Let me..."

"No," Thor grabs his wrists and tries to remove him, not as gently as he meant to. "Sorry," he says, turning towards the window, "but this is a really bad idea."

He was going to sleep with him, and then he wasn't, and now he isn't sure whether any of the decisions were the right thing to do. The boy doesn't budge, and puts his hands on Thor's hips, his chin resting on his shoulder.

"You brought this on, you took me home. Why?"

Thor doesn't answer this. Instead he stares down at the dishes littered with toast crumbs. 'But he plays bass,' he keeps thinking.

"Get dressed," he finally says almost angrily, hardly recognising his own voice. The boy reaches up and touches his cheek, just for a moment, before disappearing back into the bathroom.

* * *

He stays another day and another night and during that time Thor realises that he is getting used to his presence. He likes having him there. It took him months to get used to his new fridge, so this one must be special.

On the third day of his stay he wakes up at the break of dawn and sees a thin face staring down at him. The boy is hovering above him, propped up on his forearms, which are positioned either side of Thor's face.

"Hi," he says and smiles and kisses him. Thor, still too sleepy for rational decisions, surrenders.

"You said you wouldn't kiss me."

The boy giggles in response, and Thor grins. It makes him happy that he can still giggle.

"I won't kiss you for money, but what I do in my leisure time is an entirely different matter," and as if to make a point he kisses him again, innocently and sweetly with his mouth closed and his hand trailing down his cheek.

"Thank you," he whispers, and gets out of the bed, making his way to the door.

"What for?" Thor asks, but he has already disappeared.

He knows the flat will be empty the moment he opens the bedroom door. He also knows that he should have realised that before rushing out, hoping that he would still be there.

There is no trace of the boy anywhere; he might as well have been a dream. Then Thor spots a note on the table. For a moment he thinks someone has squashed a fly with it, but on closer inspection it turns out to be a very messy and rushed map. He turns the paper over.

'Find me.'


End file.
